03: Vulnerability

"You know what? You're imperfect, and you're wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging." Brené Brown

Literally the best and worst thing I have ever experienced. I ran away and fought with everything I had to not face it. Only when I realized that it was my true self and the opportunity for lasting authentic relationships that I was running from, did I finally stop. By no means has it been easy. I was in survival mode. A version of which I built for myself that was seemingly safe, untouchable and beyond reproach from anything my heart deemed threatening. The funny thing is those walls I built in defense was keeping my from really living. 

The thing that changed it all? Yup, you got it. Vulnerability. Being open and willing to be seen for who I truly am, even if that is scared. I started making small steps in loving even when there's no guarantee. I began moving forward. I started embracing the things I felt shame in -- creativity, my emotions and opinions. Two years down the road, I am not perfect. In fact, I'm probably more imperfect than I was willing to admit. But here's the thing - I am present in that. I can be imperfect and still be enough. 

If you'd like to read more about this subject, here are some resources I have found that have propelled me in this journey: 

Scary Close by Donald Miller 

The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown 

Daring Greatly by Brene Brown 

Present Over Perfect by Shauna Niequist 

The Essential Enneagram by David Daniels, Virginia Price

I'd like to take a moment to thank my husband. Spencer, you were the catalyst. I wouldn't have been able to begin this journey if it was not for you with me through the thick of it. Thank you for loving me through one of my toughest seasons. I love you, handsome.